1. My refrigerator knocks four times.

2. Mr. Suspicious already hates yogurt and apples, and today also turned down beans, bacon, toast, and fish sticks.

3. There’s a glitch in my phone, I get calls that haven’t happened yet (at least according to the time stamp)

4. I spend a lot of time not knowing how I look.

5. After John Carter:

“You watch these things, it’s the same show every time. A … goes to … and saves the girl and the world. It’s like, ‘A Confederate soldier goes to Mars with a thing and saves the girl’. ‘Some kids go to Narnia through a wardrobe and save the world’. I should make one up… Like his name is Billy and he goes to Jupiter and he– and he walks there.”

“Hon, I watch a show where a British alien saves a psychopath archaeologist with the help of Roman Winston Churchill using a magic phone box. You can’t win this one.”